“How do we foster communication?”
We’re Not Really Strangers, a purpose-driven card game created in 2018 by Koreen Odiney, is a card game for 2-6 players thatuses three levels of cards to build meaningful relationships. Through playing the game, I found my communication style had gradually changed from a more cautious observation to a more open and expressive style since the game’s process of going from a level of perception to connection and reflection built trust step-by-step between personal interactions.
The mode I play is for 2 players, in which the game begins with maintaining eye contact between players. Since I prefer observing someone quietly before speaking, this mechanic immediately felt uncomfortable. However, the game doesn’t leave me in that discomfort long, nor does it eliminate the observing process that I usually do. Instead, the game places this observing procedure inside the level 1 mechanics.
Level 1: Perception
During this level, players were assigned questions related to first impressions, guessing personalities, and describing appearance. Overall, this level focuses on
“What do you notice about others?”
So, although the game forces me to change my habit of silently observing someone before speaking, it actually replaces this process with guided conversation. Rather than keeping the observations I have to myself, the card in “perception” encouraged me to express them. Initially, I hesitated to share my observations because I was afraid of offending others. But after another player makes some accurate guesses about me and attributes it jokingly to “luck,” I realize the perception cards created a low-risk environment, where mistakes are acceptable since everything is based on observation. The realization encourages me to express my observations more comfortably, and it served as great groundwork for later deep conversation, such as connections.
Level 2: Connection
In this section, players were asked questions about their dreams, memorable experiences, and worldview. A central goal of this section is
“What resonances do you find with others?”
This was the point where I became most engaged because I enjoy listening to people’s stories and comparing their insights and understandings with my own. For example, one resonance that my partner and I both found out is that we both think the importance of a task determines how much attention it deserves, and this resonance simply comes from a question about whether we were usually early or late. A pretty simple question, but it reveals our shared approach to time management. Unlike level 1, which focuses on observable impressions, level 2 uses personal stories to uncover the shared values behind. Like a flashlight, level 2’s mechanics dive deep into each player’s memory and light up specific memories when resonances come. It brought my expression to a deeper level, but also serves as an important tool for reviewing my past.
Level 3: Reflection
If level 2 serves as a great tool for past-life reflection, then level 3 shifts the focus to reflecting on the conversation itself by asking
“What did you learn from others?”
These reflection cards encouraged me to recognize how my communication style had changed throughout the game. By the end of the conversation, I noticed that I was more comfortable in sharing my thoughts than I had been at the beginning. This is what Level 3 has bought. It allows me to recognize that the gradual progression from perception to connection can successfully build trust for genuine communication.
Comparison and Critique
Compared to similar “Getting to Know You” games, such as Truth or Dare and Never Have I Ever, which build communication through entertainment or surprises, We’re Not Really Strangers focuses on emotional connection. The game’s greatest strength is its pacing. By increasing the emotional depth of its questions through levels, these mechanics create a dynamic progression from hesitation to openness, producing an aesthetic of self-expression. Limitations of the game’s design are that it depends so much on players’ willingness to participate honestly, and some players may dislike the feeling of being vulnerable. Including optional alternative questions and allowing players to indicate comfort levels would make the experience more inclusive while not changing the main goal.
Ethics Behind the Game
As mentioned in the critique section, to achieve the actual goal of making meaningful communications, certain social norms are assumed in this game, such as the acceptability of making eye contact, the belief that discussing emotions openly strengthens relationships, the comfort level of strangers, the assurance of safety, and the expectation of honesty. Examples of social contexts in which these norms would work may be schools, friendships, couples, and team building. On the contrary, these norms would be inappropriate in contexts such as involving complete strangers. This game might also exclude players with social anxiety or who value privacy, and so do groups of people with cultures where direct eye contact is considered rude. So, even though this game serves as a great tool for fostering communication, it’s only suitable for a specific group of people and environments.
Conclusion
Overall, We’re Not Really Strangers shows how carefully designed social mechanics can create dynamics that build trust to foster meaningful connections between people. Through its structured progression, the game gradually lowered my social barriers, changing my communication style from cautious observation to a more open and expressive style.
Reference
We’re Not Really Strangers. We’re Not Really Strangers, https://www.werenotreallystrangers.com/.
Okwodu, Janelle. “Meet the Model and Photographer Behind We’re Not Really Strangers.” Vogue, 22 July 2020, https://www.vogue.com/article/koreen-were-not-really-strangers-interview.
