I have played plenty of “Getting to Know You” games like Two Truths and a Lie, Wavelength, and Let’s Get Deep, but have never played We’re Not Really Strangers by Koreen Odiney. The audience of this game is primarily young adults and Gen Z, and it is usually recommended for ages 15+. I specifically played the Relationship Expansion Pack with my partner on Quizlet.
When playing this game with my partner, I think that my role was definitely more facilitative as I tried to keep the discussion going. Specifically, one question was about “How important do you think birthdays and holidays are to me?” He gave an answer that I felt was a bit insufficient, so I probed him with questions like “Can you elaborate more?” and “Why specifically do you think Christmas is important to me?” Beyond this, I learned that I think a lot before answering a question. An example of this was when I was asked the question “What feelings are hard for you to communicate to me? How can I make it easier?” I paused before stating my answer, as I wanted to be as reflective and answer as truthfully as I could. In my head, I was making decisions and thinking about “Is this truly what I mean and feel?” and “How can I express this better?” Beyond overthinking and being a reflective questioner, I learned that my communication style also involved a bit of humor. For example, when asked the question “What have you been extra sensitive to lately?” I chuckled and humorously said “Everything.” Additionally, when responding to the question, I said some inside jokes to ease the tension and vulnerability associated with the game.
I believe the reason why these behaviors were revealed was because the objective of the game is to encourage vulnerability and honesty and build deeper connections. As a result, I asked a lot of follow up questions to better understand my partner, who I already know pretty well. The mechanics of the game also brings this out. Specifically, it uses a taking turns mechanic. Thus, players respond to random questions, even questions they may be more hesitant to answer, which reveals decisions surrounding pausing, filtering, and choosing how honest they are. The levels in this game, from more surface level questions to deep questions, also exposes people’s true self. At first, people may rely on lighter communication/safe answers but overtime the vulnerable questions force them to reflect and show their communication style. Additionally, since there is no “right” answer to the questions, players answer authentically. I also think that this game had many different aesthetic goals including fellowship (game as a social framework), expression (game as self discovery), and discovery (game as uncharted territory, or person/people you are playing with). These come together to encourage me to communicate in a reflective way, think about how much I want to reveal about myself, and push me to listen and ask follow up questions to learn more about my partner.
There were two major issues I found in the game. The first is the types of questions found in level 2 (connection), the level that asks more deep questions. My partner and I realized that there were lots of questions that were negative, like “What did your worst argument teach you?” Most relationships don’t want to dwell on bad memories that have been resolved, so we skipped these questions. Additionally, some questions in level 2 were more surface level. For example, “What song best describes our relationship?” is a lot more surface level than “What has this relationship taught you about yourself?” As a result, my partner and I often skipped cards and asked more follow up questions to reach emotional vulnerability. In terms of emotional depth, I think games like “Let’s Get Deep” and “Get Close” ask more deep questions. To avoid these issues, the game can build the aesthetic of challenge by giving optional “dig deeper” prompts or challenge cards that ask players to answer a more vulnerable question. It can also build the aesthetic of narrative by guiding players through stages like “how we met”, “times we have felt closest”, “goal for the future”, instead of a bunch of unrelated prompts.
I liked the concept of having a final level (level 3) be about reflection and thought this made the game stand out from others that don’t have a reflective component (like Two Truths and a Lie, Let’s Get Deep, and Wavelength). However, I thought that it was poorly executed. Questions like “What don’t I give myself enough credit for?” and “What goal would feel best for you to accomplish this year?” don’t really allow you to reflect about the game. To make closure better, the game could ask questions like “Which question was hardest for you to answer?” or “How has this conversation changed the way you see our relationship?” These questions could lead to a stronger aesthetic of narrative as they allow people to really think about the game.
“We are Not Really Strangers” is built around social norms surrounding vulnerability and boundaries. In everyday contexts, like in college or on your job, there is a social norm to have surface level conversations and avoid uncomfortable topics. This game challenges these norms by making deeper and vulnerable conversations more acceptable. However, it is important to keep in mind that different cultures have different boundaries about emotional expression and people have different personal experiences/trauma. Thus, not everyone is comfortable with talking about topics surrounding family, relationships, and identity, showing that this game may exclude or be coercive towards people who value privacy. However, this game does an important job at conveying vulnerability as a strength that helps people to open up. As a result, this game shaped my ethical perspective and taught me that games like “We are Not Really Strangers” are valuable as they enforce the message that meaningful conversations should not stay hidden, while also showing how vulnerability should be a choice. The game reinforced my belief that emotional honesty can strengthen a relationship, while also teaching me that connection depends on respecting boundaries and paying attention to people’s comfort.
