I’d played this game before, but for this critical play, I played with my girlfriend, which was a new and very fun experience. We’re Not Really Strangers is a game designed to bring the players closer together, both by learning more about the other players involved and also finding common ground and common vulnerabilities. There are three “levels” to the game: perception, connection, and reflection. The questions get deeper as you go, and so it feels very natural as you transition from easy questions to “harder” questions. I’ve played a lot of “let’s get to know each other” games with my girlfriend, but I still felt like the design of this game offered something new to discovering each other. The target audience is really everyone, although it is somewhat geared towards a young adult audience. The game was created by artist Koreen Odiney and is mainly a card game but also exists digitally.
We played the digital version, and within that there are multiple “packs” of cards with different themes. We played three of them: the Long Distance Pack, the Truth or Truth? Pack, and the Self-Exploration Pack. They all offered slightly different angles into our relationship and ourselves.
The Long Distance Pack felt especially relevant, since we are in a long-distance relationship. The questions helped us name things we often feel but don’t always say out loud. One card asked, “What have you changed your mind about? Why?” That question sparked a surprisingly deep conversation about how our relationship itself function, and I shared that before we started dating, I had always thought I wouldn’t be able to handle the distance emotionally. But being with her changed that and we talked about the reasons for why we think we are able to do the long distance. This all led to a rather deep conversation about vulnerability etc.
The Truth or Truth? Pack had a bit more playfulness involved. It’s designed like truth-or-dare but with only truths (hard to do dares long distance). One card asked, “What’s something you’re afraid to tell me?” That one made us both pause. I admitted that I’m afraid to acknowledge the hardship of long distance so as to not make it “real”. She shared a fear of becoming too emotionally dependent and not knowing how to balance closeness with personal independence. Even though the question gave us pause at first, it was really freeing when we actually shared. The fact that we were talking about this stuff as part of a game took a lot of the pressure off.
The Self Exploration Pack was slightly more individualistic. They weren’t questions about our relationship, but still let us get to know each other better. One asked, “What are you still trying to prove to yourself?” We both go to top universities and so this question definitely hit hard and made us reflect on our ambitions. We had honestly never really had a conversation about those kinds of things before.
Throughout the entire game experience, I think I realized more than anything that the medium of us getting closer being a game made it so much more fun, less pressure, and just a playful and positive atmosphere. We were able to talk about hard things without the classic “We need to talk” sentence that everyone fears.
As far as ethical considerations, We’re Not Really Strangers definitely relies on emotional openness, which can be great but also inadvertently could cause some trauma for people if a question shows up that triggers something in them. Additionally, even though the game has themes (I wouldn’t play the Long Distance Pack to get closer with my roommate), it’s not fully optimized for the depth of any given relationship and if you played with more people, it could be awkward if you feel comfortable sharing something with some players but not others. As far as social norms, it definitely is geared towards an American/western ideal of “talking about your feelings is good”, which worked great for me and my girlfriend but might not work as well for other groups of people. This could exclude people from feeling like this is a game for them, even though that shouldn’t be a pre-requisite for getting to know your friends better.
