When playtesting for the first time I felt very scared. I had no idea if anyone would resonate with my humor and the characters whom I chose to be the focus of the story. It was definitely vulnerable for me because I don’t often share original writing at all. I felt relieved to hear people laugh and enjoy my prose. People who I did not expect to laugh, laughed. Going into this project, I felt like I may have been digging my own grave by choosing an idea which required me to share my (perhaps weird) imagination with others, and asked them to step into the shoes of my dog girl, Aster. So, I worked very hard to create as believable of an illusion as I could.
For context, I used this project as an opportunity to bring my old OCs, Aster and Kira, to life. It’s a personal project to me. However, if someone were to react negatively to my work, I know that I made it for myself and my friends first and foremost, with the mindset of a zinester. Pursuit of popular appeal can be a form of censorship, in many ways; That’s how we end up with a homogeny of games. (Every artwork has its own audience — and at least one hardcore fan.)
When I had a choice, I took the project in the direction in which I saw growth as an artist and writer, moreso in the beginning than towards then end, where I polished things, implemented feedback and tied loose ends. I followed the route that my excitement lead me to. I’m aware that, at times, this can be contradictory to the idea that a game is a collaboration with the audience. (The books that inspire me to trust my excitement are Bird By Bird, and A Swim in the Pond in the Rain.) I don’t let testers/betas discourage me form pursuing my vision, though this is more applicable to art and writing than game development.
I learned that words, images, and graphic design all come together to create the very unique experience that is the visual novel. I also now feel less apologetic and precious about my writing, humor, and taste. I hope to continue to share stories with confidence. Another thought: there’s always a balance between giving yourself a judgement-free space to cook, and using a more responsive play test-focused development style. Within the same project, there are different times for each of these approaches. That’s something to think about for the future.
All my artwork for this project is on this site: https://art-of-dead-dogs.carrd.co/
It’s very satisfying for me to see.
