For my critical play, I played We’re Not Really Strangers by Koreen Odiney with some dorm friends and RAs. It’s a getting to know you game for young adults and older. Because of its 3 level system, we could get as vulnerable as we wanted in this game. It encourages players to open up to each other because the longer you play, the stronger the implicit rule of vulnerability, respect, and secrecy became.
When I played We’re Not Really Strangers with some, frankly, strangers, I was pretty intent on mostly observing and giving funny superficial answers. It is a game, after all. But I quickly realized that each speaker implicitly signaled “we’re being real” by answering the Level 1: Perception questions very honestly, and everyone else implicitly signaled that we were going to seriously listen. I was excited for that too—it seemed like everyone kind of needed it. From then on, our phones happened to disappear, and we quickly reached the Level 3: Reflection questions.
The reason we got so comfortable so quickly was because of the 3 level system and the game’s brand of mutual trust. My RA shut the door when we started playing, and that right away signaled that everything stays in this room. From there, each person’s vulnerability would reinforce the safety of the space, and each person’s respect would inspire us to listen closer every time. We increasingly understood that we are all quite similar, per the name of the game. That sounds like the natural flow of friendships, but we couldn’t have done it without the 3-tiered system.
The first player tried to jump straight to the Level 3 questions to which she uncomfortably gave a joke response. We all laughed and made an explicit consensus to start on Level 1. It’s not that we didn’t trust each other, we just hadn’t set the precedent yet that this is a vulnerable space. As we got to know people’s perception of themselves and others, we understood that we share pretty similar insecurities, and more importantly, that those insecurities can be shared. As people related with others’ “niche” experiences, they increasingly understood that their experiences are likely related to the circle. Part of the success of this game session definitely came in part from the confidence of the players to openly reflect, but largely was from the “easing in” effect the game had.
As the game went on, players would increasingly take the difficult questions, and people would be more open about how things stay in the room. Someone would get a tough question and everyone would remark “You can skip if you want, but know it doesn’t get out of this room.” You could’ve only said that about a Level 2 question after doing several Level 1 questions, and it takes many Level 2 questions to get a Level 3.
The cone of silence/secrecy was most obvious when someone new joined the group when we were already on Level 3. It was kind of difficult to bring them in, because we would feel less inclined to be vulnerable with them, and they would be less inclined to be vulnerable with us. It seriously takes starting on Level 1, because you’ve kind of “missed out” on all the relating and lifesharing that makes Level 3 so engaging. That sucked sometimes and felt gatekeep-y or exclusive. I believe that it’s really only when you relate with someone that you care about exploring their life further—if you’re gonna play WNRS, you gotta play it from the start!
In the end, this game hooks you into players’ lives with Level 1 questions and keeps you engaged the whole way through to Level 3. Because of the 3-tiered system, we all increasingly understand that nothing gets out, we’re all being vulnerable, and above all, we’re all quite similar and kind.
