I played a “Getting to know you” game, We’re Not Really Strangers, with one other friend. Although the game says that it can be played with up to six players, the official website does say that they created this game initially to be played with 2 people. The game is recommended for people of fifteen years and older, and was created by Koreen Odiney, who is also a model and artist (which the game design seems to reflect, with its appealing and modern aesthetics.)
In terms of mechanics, the game is simple— players take turns drawing cards from the first level, and take turns answering them (e.g. Player A draws first, reads the question, and Player B answers. Then, Player B draws, and Player A answers the drawn question.) After a minimum of fifteen cards drawn, the players can advance to the next level. There are three levels total, with varying levels of intimacy (the first level having “perception” questions— how you might perceive each other, the second level being “connection” questions— deeply personal questions, with the third level being “reflection” questions— what you’ve learned about yourselves and each other.) Players also get a “Dig Deeper” card that can be used once per level when you think the other player is holding back. Wild Cards (which are prompts that players have to follow) are also in the deck. There’s also a notepad included, for writing a message to the other person at the end of the game, which you don’t open until you both leave the space.
Although I was already pretty self-aware of my own communication and decision-making style (a bit reluctant to share my thoughts sometimes, and indecisive), playing this game certainly highlighted these elements. For example, although there wasn’t necessarily a decision to be made when answering these questions, my mind often went blank, or I often wasn’t sure what the best or most accurate answer was, since the questions really demanded one answer, and many of them were superlative questions. Thus, I was most stumped by Level 2 questions— I actually found that Level 3 questions (which prompted reflection) were much easier to answer, as they were actually much more abstract.
Additionally, especially since the Level 2 questions were quite personal and, at times, a bit prying or were awkwardly phrased or somewhat cliché, I often felt quite awkward answering. My friend, the other player— who is more outgoing of a person than I am— at first, ignored the “Dig Deeper” card and simply asked me for more details on almost every other question. The mechanics of the game, I think, also highlighted their personality in this way; they seemed much more bold and willing to share— or at least, weren’t as uncomfortable asking or answering the questions. I generally felt more comfortable when the question was about the other person— for example, “Who do I remind you of?” or “What was your first impression of me?” This pattern might be reversed for strangers, however; questions of how a player perceives a stranger might be both much more difficult to answer, or more awkward. Players might also be more reserved around strangers, out of fear of offending them. Perhaps this game addresses these norms and targets both friends and strangers by creating a mix of self-directed and partner-directed questions.
In terms of social norms, indeed, We’re Not Really Strangers seems to directly challenge the norm of not prying into people’s personal lives, which arises in most social situations, although on varying levels. For instance, it is true that “it might be appropriate to ask a close friend about their home or family life, but not a new acquaintance.” Additionally, if I see that a friend looks sad, I would ask them what’s wrong, whereas I might (unfortunately) not approach a stranger just because they look sad; the norm might be to mind your own business. However, in the case of We’re Not Really Strangers, it seems that some of these questions I would not naturally ask a close friend in a normal situation, either. They either seem weirdly prying, even past the level of “prying” that one might do with a close friend, and sometimes also oddly cliché. Thus, I wondered if I actually would’ve been more comfortable playing with a complete stranger, since I think the stakes would be lower. With a friend, because they already know me, I actually think I would feel more self-conscious being completely honest than if I had played with a stranger.
I do, however, think that some cultures, especially those with less emphasis on privacy and value openness might work better with We’re Not Really Strangers. Interestingly enough, I wonder if my mom and her friends and acquaintances might enjoy playing this game. She always tells me that Chinese people tend to be more honest and open about certain things (but to what extent, and about what things?)
On the other hand, certain groups of people might certainly work poorly with games such as We’re Not Really Strangers— for example, those that have experienced trauma, had a history of bad relationships, or even those with uncertain identities might feel cornered with some of these questions. In terms of broader ethical concerns, some of the questions might even be triggering to some people. For example, a question like “Are you lying to yourself about anything?” or “What’s the worst pain you have ever been in that wasn’t physical?” might lead to recalling unwanted trauma. I then wonder how the “magic circle” of We’re Not Really Strangers might be redesigned to address some of these concerns, like how lying is unethical in real life, but is standard and accepted in deception games.
