[Figure 1: Note from the creator]“I have found there are 2 ways to play this game:
1. play safe
2. play to grow
the second is how you win.
– wnrs”
We’re Not Really Strangers (WNRS) is labelled as an intimate “get-to-know-you-game”, originally launched in 2018 by model, artist, and former photographer Koreen Odiney. Odiney created the game, struck by inspiration from a conversation with a stranger on a park bench years before its release, with the intention of creating a tangible way for people to empower meaningful connections with others. The iconic minimalist red box has since become a staple in social situations where players have a desire to “dig deeper”, and despite its intended age group being 15+, the middle school students I work with are well familiarized with the game and have even played it themselves, indicating a possible chance in considering the age groups that are advised to play!
[Figure 2: We’re Not Really Strangers open box][Figure 3: WNRS Rulebook]I have played the game a number of times, with close friends, new friends, and even strangers. For this particular critical play, I decided to play the game again with my husband and younger sister separately. Get-to-know-you games are always somewhat awkward for me as a conversationalist, because there never seems to be an appropriate time to move from a conversation-starting question to the next card or prompt. Sometimes, myself and whomever I was playing with would get deep into conversation about a prompt, but the conversation felt it had a time limit due to the nature of progressing throughout the game. We’re Not Really Strangers tends to be played differently by different people, as the rules aren’t necessarily binding to play the game. Sometimes I played in large groups where each question was only answered by the person reading it, but when I played in pairs it was more typical that the both of us respond to the prompt regardless of who picked it.
I noticed in playing this game again, that playing with people I was well familiarized with allowed me to expand on their responses and ask deeper questions. It also felt more intimate somehow to listen to how their responses have changed with time, as well as reflect on how my own have. My husband and I first played this game together nearly two years ago, and I remember us both responding to the prompt, “How would you describe the feeling of being in love in one word?”, with words similar to “electrifying” and “warm”, but upon replaying our responses were “safe” and “stable”.
[Figure 4: Prompt: “How would you describe the feeling of being in love in one word?”]I also feel that relationships between players are very relevant to how the questions are read. When I played with my husband, the game sometimes feels more of a relationship-strengthening game, where questions like “How can you become a better person?” are sometimes subconsciously interpreted as “How can you become a better partner?”. In contrast, when I played with my sister this question was interpreted more generally and literally, applied more to how we impact the other people we surround ourselves with. My sister and I also have a very different dynamic than my husband and I when it comes to showing affection and being vulnerable. Despite knowing my sister for her entire life and growing up best friends, it was sometimes awkward to have intimate or serious conversations because they felt unprompted and irrelevant – primarily because we both often assume we know everything there is
[Figure 5: Prompt: “How can you become a better person?”]to know about each other. However, she is the biggest fan of this style of game, and has introduced me to a number of others she would bring whenever we’d hang out. I’ve always found some sort of fondness for playing these games with her, because they’re a reminder of this unspoken desire between us to constantly get to know each other as we grow and change. She introduced me to “Hella Awkward”, another card game of this genre, which separates questions on categories and includes more specific, intimate questions than WNRS — with questions focusing on relationships, sex, and “real talk” — which I’ve found to be a lot more effective at sparking intimate conversations.
Since she knows me better than anyone else, and I’d like to think I know her better than anyone else, the game mechanics in WNRS often shift from the standard ‘ask a question, answer a question, pick the next card’, to long winded conversations that sometimes make us forget about the game structure. Having cards with questions to pull from also takes out the ‘awkward silence’ element of intimate conversations, which helps them flow nicer and creates a comfortable space to feel vulnerable with others.
[Figure 6: Final card]While it isn’t typical for me to ask my husband or my sister many of these questions out of the blue, the game provides a mechanism that allows for that space. When players enter the game, they almost sign an imaginary contract to be cooperative in play and foster the safe space that is created when players agree to be vulnerable. Then, I think this style of game allows for those who may otherwise feel awkward initiating that space, or these conversations, to easily foster these sparks. Rather than saying “let’s talk about ourselves”, which can come off as uncomfortable and intimidating to some, you can obtain the same outcome by proposing, “let’s play We’re Not Really Strangers”, and somehow adding the element of “play” makes things seem more approachable. I think the game’s implementation of expansion packs that cater to couples and close friends has been an effective way of breaking out of its ‘surface level’ nature, but it seems to reach its goal of guiding players to intimate conversation and leave feeling closer to one another.
Ethics:
The author of the game created it with the purpose of fostering connections she felt were slowly being lost by the rise of the digital age, the pandemic, and other social factors that were causing people to become more isolated. WNRS appears to be a game that aims to lead players into a space of vulnerability and close connection, with physical tangible objects (cards) as a guiding force. The game itself is played between players who have an established relationship, or complete strangers, allowing it to be used in a variety of contexts and adjusted accordingly. I’ve seen the game in a number of social situations, from mixers to parties, and it’s become a key component in girls-nights when I make new friends. I also perceive the game as responding to the challenge of beginning and sustaining intimate conversations across relationships, as it provides easy-to-follow mechanics and flow for all players. I do feel that this style of game is not appealing to everyone, as despite the mechanics, it can still feel very uncomfortable to talk about oneself in an intimate context – particularly when you truly are playing with strangers. The dynamics of the game also seem awkward when playing in a group with mixed relationships – where some people are closer and others may be just meeting everyone. Then, the latter group will naturally feel excluded from play as the other players are able to expand on questions, relate them to shared experiences within the group, or make many correct judgments about the players. During play, it is important to foster a space where everyone can feel comfortable and included during play, as feelings of exclusion naturally break the invisible strings and boundary of vulnerability between all players – even those not directly impacted by this exclusion.
