We’re Not Really Strangers (WNRS) is a card game that challenges players to break down barriers and foster meaningful connections through conversation. Created by Koreen Odiney, the game is available as a physical card deck and has a mobile app version, making it accessible across multiple platforms. Aimed primarily at young adults and older, the game encourages players to engage beyond superficial interactions, which is particularly resonant in today’s digital and often disconnected age.
In WNRS, vulnerability is not just a gameplay component; it is the game’s core mechanic. The three structured levels of personal questions require players to progressively open up, which not only drives the game forward but also deepens interpersonal connections. This mechanic, I argue, illustrates a profound use of procedural rhetoric, proposed by Ian Bogost (2008), as it uses the process of gameplay to affect players’ real-world perceptions and emotions.
WNRS is divided into three levels, each designed to explore different depths of personal disclosure: Level 1 Perception includes questions like “What was your first impression of me?” or “What do you think my name is” invite players to reflect on and share their initial thoughts about one another, setting a foundation for honesty. Level 2 Connection deepens the interaction with prompts such as “What’s something that’s been weighing on your mind?” which encourages players to share more personal and potentially vulnerable thoughts. Level 3 Reflection includes questions like “What do you think my weakness is?” pushing players to open up about sensitive perceptions and experiences. Each level builds on the last, compelling players to progressively share deeper and more personal content. The design cleverly uses the mechanics of question-asking and -answering to facilitate a gameplay experience that feels both intimate and engaging.
Compared to other getting-to-know-you games like TableTopics or The And, WNRS stands out by structuring its gameplay around vulnerability. While TableTopics prompts players with general questions about preferences and hypotheticals, it lacks a mechanism for escalating intimacy. The And offers a similar depth of conversation but is often more directed at couples, which limits its audience. WNRS’s broad applicability and carefully structured escalation of personal disclosure offer a unique and powerful platform for understanding others. But for WNRS, I could think of one potential improvement that could made: integrate scenario-based challenges where players not only discuss personal topics but also react to hypothetical situations together. This could add a layer of interaction that tests and strengthens the connections formed through the initial questions.
My partner and I played this game with another couple who we have known for several months. However, we all share the typical INFJ personality trait, which often makes us hesitant to share negative experiences with each other for fear of burdening others. We figured out the game mechanics pretty fast for they are elegantly simple: draw a card, read the question, and answer it honestly. This straightforward approach was critical in our session. As we played, the mechanics served to gently guide us—who are introspective and often reluctant to share personal distress to maintain harmony—out of our comfort zones. For instance, a mechanic that was particularly impactful was the prompt that required us to share something we regret not doing. This not only set the stage for deeper interactions but also structured these interactions in a way that felt safe and intentional.
Dynamics of vulnerability and reciprocal sharing develop naturally from the game’s mechanics. Despite our initial hesitations, the structured nature of the questions encouraged us to share thoughts and experiences we typically avoided discussing, such as personal traumas or difficult memories. For example, when I shared my experiences during a dark depressive period caused by sexual harassment, it catalyzed a dynamic where others felt compelled to respond with equal openness. I was also surprised that I shared this experience for the first time in my life, which became a process of self-healing. This reciprocal vulnerability is a key dynamic in WNRS, fostering a unique interaction where players engage with each other on a significantly deeper level than in ordinary conversations.
The aesthetics of WNRS is centered on the emotional resonance of the interactions it fosters. The game’s design—to provoke thoughtful and revealing conversations—created a powerful emotional landscape for players like me. Sharing my own painful memories not only helped me feel seen and understood but also seemed to encourage others to share their own struggles, enhancing the emotional depth of our interactions. This aesthetic of intimacy, empathy, and mutual vulnerability was particularly poignant when one of the prompts led us to discuss fears we had never voiced before, illustrating the game’s effectiveness in breaking down barriers and fostering genuine connections. The moments of shared silence, nods of understanding, and supportive responses after difficult disclosures all contribute to the game’s overarching goal of deepening bonds through beauty and truth in shared human experiences.
We’re Not Really Strangers uses simple mechanics to foster dynamic social interactions that center on vulnerability, the game’s core mechanic. This approach not only progresses the game but also deepens connections by requiring players to gradually share more personal aspects of their lives. This method showcases an effective use of procedural rhetoric, as the gameplay profoundly influences players’ perceptions and emotions in the real world. Our play session demonstrated the game’s ability not just to entertain but to facilitate meaningful emotional exchanges and personal discoveries via proceduralism. By prompting players to discuss personal traumas and secrets, the game creates a powerful experience of connection and understanding, proving itself as a valuable tool for anyone looking to enhance their interpersonal relationships. Through its thoughtful and sensitive design, this game transforms acquaintances into genuine confidants (ideally). The game achieves its goal of building real connections, bringing players to a closer, empathetic comprehension of one another.
